Ode to a Neoplasm

28 Feb

I needed to lose a few pounds anyway,

so thanks for your help with that.

I’ll take my time away from the Grind,

and use it for taking naps?

You can take my hair, I don’t care,

I’ll look like Paul, that’s okay too.

I’ll get my ear pierced and buy a big hog,

and I’ll be happy in spite of you.

Now as far as neoplasms go,

shame on you for calling yourself the Big C.

I look forward to the fight you son of a bitch.

You can’t get the better of me.

You made a pass at my daughter a few years ago,

and she kicked your ass without breaking a sweat.

Well, you should have given up when you had half the chance.

But we’re not done with you yet.

Now I’m not sure why this is happening.

But I’m sure that it’s mostly my fault.

I eat doughnuts and French fries and red meat off the grill,

and I chase them all down with large malts.

I don’t smoke, I don’t sniff, I don’t chew anything.

I’m busy and active most the time.

And that other thing they say you shouldn’t do,

is just supposed to make you go blind.

So you picked this fight, you coward.

I’ve seen what you’ve done in the past.

Give it your best shot, I’ll take all that you’ve got,

and I’ll shove it right back up your ass.

L. Humphries

July 2010

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Posted by on February 28, 2011 in Poetry


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